I gotta go poop

***Warning***

This post is graphic in nature. Parental guidance is suggested.

I hate the public poo!

OK, here we go. This post may mean more to the men then to the women. Women sit down on a toilet every time they use the restroom. Not so with men. When the urinals are all being used the next option is the toilet. This may be hard to believe but not all men lift the seat in public restrooms (I choose to use my foot to lift the seat). Also some men find it funny to take a big huge dump and not flush but leave it as a surprise for the next guy that walks in. Whoa dude what did you eat?

I hate the public poo!

I know we have all had those days where we are on our way to an appointment or somewhere and realize that I should not have just had the burrito with extra peppers or the Thai dish with a large Coke. Then you start to get "the gurgle". Oh yea you know what I am talking about. The one that make you say, which is closer, Home of the Office? You are on the way to the office and once the first wave passes you know you that you can make it to the office. Never think that. As soon as wave number 2 hits you are looking around at what is close by. You think, I know where the bathroom is at McDonald's but there may be something cleaner. What about an office complex. Before you leave your car, wave 2 passes. Now you know you had better hurry somewhere. At this point everyone around you starts driving extra slow. All the lights are red and then you start the get "dump sweat". Things are now critical. Now you are looking for and left over napkins in the car because you just might not make it. You pick the closest location around and don't care what it is or what they are selling. Truck Stop right off the freeway, Subway, Furniture Warehouse, Coffee shop , hiking trail head, it doesn't at this point. You walk as dignified as you can into the establishment and calmly ask where the bathroom is and praying you wont be answer with one of the horrific possibilities like, "Our restroom is for employees only", "Our restroom is out of service", "We don't have one", "Our restroom is for customers only". This last one can be dealt with. Even if it is a car dealership. You will buy what every they have at this point. You are desperate. You run into the stall just hoping that the last person to use the toilet before you was somewhat clean and courteous. I also end up hoping none of the other stalls are occupied because this may be loud and possibly messy. Once your first flush goes down you can wipe your brow and make sure you have left nothing behind (in your bowels)since you don't what to be 10 minutes down the road in the same situation.

I hate the public poo!

The worse place to have to go is when you are camping in the summer. The pit toilets are the absolute worse place to have to take a dump. You have flies, the smell, the heat, other bugs and they are so dirty. Scout camp has to the worse place. If you go to scout camp make sure you go early in the year when the toilets are not full. In August, you will need to make sure you aren't sitting on a swirl of feces that reaches the top of the seat. I am not talking about a totem pole here, but an ice cream Sunday of smelly hell. Remember you are going to be adding to the pile and want to make sure you don't have any splash back at all.

I hate the public poo!

OK so we have all had accident in our life. Let's hear some stories. My kids love the story of me running in the house past them watching TV and yelling "Food's in the car, trying to not poop my pants!" And haven't we all left an undergarment or 2 somewhere when you know it is not worth putting back on.

I hate the public poo!

Congratulation is you have made it to the end my post. You were warned. I am now done.